What Are Your Blind Spots?
(Part 1 of 4) The Commitments We Never Knew We Made
Unintended Consequences: What Are Your Blind Spots?
(Part 1 of 4)
The Commitments We Never Knew We Made
We like to think of ourselves as reliable. It’s a cornerstone of trust, both in our personal lives and professional relationships. But reliability doesn’t start with others. It starts with us. And if we’re honest, most of us aren’t very reliable with ourselves.
That may sound harsh. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: if you’ve ever broken a New Year’s resolution—and we all have—you’ve already proven this point. You’ve promised yourself you’d finally get your finances in order. You swore you’d stop working weekends. You vowed you’d prioritize sleep, or your marriage, or your creativity.
And then life happened. Again.
We think this is just “human nature.” But that’s a convenient story. A story that keeps us from asking the better question:
Why do we keep making promises to ourselves that we don’t keep?
The First Blind Spot: Invisible Commitments
When I began coaching executives, I kept noticing a strange pattern. Leaders—brilliant, capable, thoughtful people—would show up week after week overwhelmed, depleted, and deeply frustrated. “I don’t understand,” one said, “I’m doing everything I can, and it’s still not enough.”
So we started tracing the thread. Not the big commitments. Not the board presentations or product launches or annual targets. But the micro-yeses. The everyday shoulder shrugs that sounded like:
“Sure, I can take that on.”
“I’ll just handle it myself.”
“I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”
These weren’t formal commitments. But they were heard as commitments. To a colleague, a partner, a team, or a community. Over time, they added up. They created expectations—dozens of them—that never got tracked, renegotiated, or even acknowledged.
We’ve become masters at accidental overpromising. The problem isn’t malice. It’s blindness.
The Myth of the Empty Yes
We underestimate how much weight our words carry. You might casually say, “Let’s catch up soon,” to an old friend—but to them, that promise matters. At work, when you agree to “look into it,” someone might be holding their own progress hostage to your follow-through.
We do this with partners. We do it with kids. We do it in our communities. And we do it most viciously with ourselves.
Every time we say “yes” without fully understanding the cost, we borrow against a future we haven’t planned for. We load ourselves with invisible obligations, and then we wonder why we’re so tired. Why we feel resentful. Why we drop balls we didn’t even realize we were juggling.
The truth is: most of our overwhelm isn’t from what’s on our calendar. It’s from what’s on our conscience.
Your Overwhelm Is Self-Made
That’s the bitter pill. We created this. We cultivated reputations as the reliable one. The strong one. The one who can handle anything. And in doing so, we made a deal we didn’t realize: We became the dumping ground for others’ uncertainty.
This isn’t about victimhood. It’s about responsibility.
We built our lives around commitments we never consciously made. And then we wonder why our reliability is eroding—from the inside out.
If you want to be trustworthy to others, you have to be reliable with yourself. And you can’t be reliable with yourself if you’re blind to the things you’ve said yes to.
If you are enjoying this article, consider subscribing
The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes
Let’s name the stakes.
Every invisible commitment you make is a withdrawal from your own trust account. You may not feel the impact today, but the consequences are cumulative. Over time, they show up as:
Burnout masked as productivity
Resentment in relationships that used to be joyful
Half-finished work that erodes your reputation
A constant hum of guilt, even when you’re doing your best
And most dangerously: a growing sense that you can’t trust yourself anymore.
Seeing the Unseen
So what do we do about this?
We start noticing. That’s it. That’s the first practice. We stop treating every request as benign. We stop throwing out casual commitments like candy at a parade. We start treating our words—and the weight others place on them—with the gravity they deserve.
Here’s a starting point:
Three Questions to Ask Before You Say Yes
What exactly am I agreeing to?
Clarify the task, timeline, and expectation. If you can’t describe it, don’t commit to it.What will I say no to in order to say yes to this?
Every yes costs something. Know what you’re sacrificing.Do I mean it? Or am I just avoiding discomfort?
Most empty yeses come from a desire to avoid conflict, look generous, or feel needed. None of those are good reasons.
The Start of Self-Reliability
You don’t have to be a martyr to be trustworthy. You don’t have to say yes to everything to be seen as committed. In fact, the opposite is true. When people know you say yes only when you mean it, your word becomes stronger. Your commitments become cleaner. And your relationships become more resilient.
And here's the unexpected gift: The more reliable you become with yourself, the more freedom you feel. Because you’re no longer drowning in invisible obligations. You’re no longer managing the chaos of accidental commitments.
You’re living in clarity.
Next in the Series:
Blind Spot #2: Denial
Why we choose not to see the things that are right in front of us—and how that choice reshapes everything.
Once again Thomas has focused us on asking questions of self when we are saying what the client needs to hear instead of what reality dictates. This requires thinking about what we are actually saying and the unintended consequence of this. Especially helpful are the next steps that are so important for our growth in effectiveness as soulful leaders. Dr.Terry White
Brilliant! And ouch. So very true. Masters at accidental over promising, that hits home.